I've been reading quite a bit of noir fiction lately and it's inspired me to write a list of rules of the genre in case anyone else would like to try their hand at it. So here, in no particular order, are my (slightly flippant) top ten Rules of British Noir Fiction.
1. Everybody dies.
2. There's always a character called Albie, who is elderly, homeless, drunk - or all three.
3. All relationships are doomed to fail, no matter how promising they seem on the first page.
4. It's always either dark or raining, except when it's foggy.
5. Bouncers (doormen) are the most common characters - in fact they litter the pages like cigarette butts on a pavement.
6. Everybody dies.
7. Trips to the country invariably lead to the main character digging his own grave.
8. Pubs are always grubby and serve warm beer.
9. Female characters never wash their hair.
10. Everybody dies.
6 comments:
And here are my equally flippant, severely sleep deprived (so don't take me seriously, please) responses.
1. Does that make "Hamlet" Brit Noir?
2. Dear great-uncle Albie sounds very Irish, doesn't he?
3. Oh, like "The L Word".
4. Well, it is Britain.
5. Perhaps something to bring up at the next Bouncers Union meeting.
6. Kinda discourages sequels, doesn't it?
7. Yes, but he really needed the exercise.
8. Yes, but after the first three pints, ya hardly notice it.
9. That's why God created hats.
10. It was . . . the salmon mousse!
::snorts::
1. Yes - and The Godfather Parts i, ii and especially iii.
2. He turns up in some of my stories too - only he's using the name Paddy now.
4. Well, the sun does shine occasionally...
8. Three? Only three? Wimp.
10. In the kitchen, by Professor Plum.
Sounds like your typical Christmas party to me. I want to read some British noir now for some peculiar reason.
I've been to some BAD Christmas parties but I must admit I'd never yet had to dig my own grave... :P
But have you wanted to? *g*
It's been tempting - especially when I first started work in the civil service. Dig my own grave, hijack a plane and fly to Mongolia, lock myself in the stationery cupboard until mid-March... :D
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